The most commonly used philosophy for evaluating acceptable kinky play is SSC, and it is a great distinction for those unfamiliar with BDSM to understand the difference between abuse and responsible kink practices. It dates back to the early 80s, and is simple in its basic principle of defining any kinky activity by asking; is it a safe, is it a sane thing to do, and is it something that all parties are consenting to?
Some feel that while it lays out a good framework for establishing some fundamental guiding principles, it is ultimately too vague and subjective for truly assessing risk. When engaging in a new activity for example either party could easily misunderstand what makes it safe, and as play continues, altering headspace means that consent may be required repeatedly, and the ability to assess those decisions from a sane state of mind is also questionable.
Asking some important questions before beginning and during play will help ensure everyone’s safety.
Questions to ask yourself:
- Am I nervous being alone with the person?
- Do I know where I will be at all times?
- Do others need to know where I am?
- Am I at risk of injury or is the area safe?
- Am I suddenly taking big risks? (frenzy)
- Am I inebriated in any way?
- Is this something I would allow a friend to do?
- Have I recently been stressed or traumatized?
- Do I feel pressured in anyway?
- Do I have any doubts?
- Have I been coerced into this?
- How will I feel tomorrow if I go ahead with this?
Put yourself in your best friend’s shoes first… Ask yourself if your best friend was about to make this same decision… how would you react? What would you tell them? Does it sound fantastic for your best friend and something you will talk fondly about tomorrow? Or would your advice be to tell them not to do it, there are red flags, you have concerns? If you wouldn’t be 100% happy and supportive of your best friend in exactly the same situation then why are you still considering doing this?
These educational topics wouldn’t be possible without the hard work and dedication from our Dom(me)sLife contributors – Thank you MM