BDSM Education Fundamentals Ruined Uncategorized

Ruined Orgasms

Understanding what a ruined orgasm is…

Ruined orgasms involve stimulating the body sexually so that the point of no return is reached causing orgasm. This is the point when the stimulation stops, the muscles and nerves react to the body’s natural impulses and release fluid regardless. The amount of convulsion and emission will depend on the length of time stimulated and how soon it stopped once orgasm is triggered.

Ruined orgasms should bring little pleasure, sexual frustration and lead to different outcomes based on the desired outcome. The practice can be torturous because of the build up that the body creates prior to orgasm, blood flow increases, nerves become more sensitive and muscles prepare for use. Preventing the body from completing the mission it began can feel frustrating and keep the energy stores longer making the effect of post orgasm more lengthy. With the body prepped for action, it can also mean that play can continue, with concentrated effort this can lead to multiple orgasms and in effect extend the period of ejaculation to a longer period of time.

Due to the body’s reaction to this type of play, a different cycle of rejuvenation will occur, slower reduction of endorphins, higher levels of energy and after care needs to adjust as a result. Lots of fluids and longer practice of self care methods should be used.

Ruining an orgasm may sound easy… in theory getting it perfect takes a lot of time, patience and practice. Unless the partner is very open and honest about when they are hitting the point of no return, then you need to learn your partners cues; arched back, tensed muscles, moans, curled toes, holding breaths, pulsing cock/clit,’ – every person has their own signals, watch closely and pay attention while you pleasure them. Don’t worry about getting it perfect the first time, any level of a ruined orgasm is still a great power exchange scene that will only get better with experience.

Ideas on how to ruin an orgasm


The most simple method of ruining an orgasm is to suddenly remove/stop all stimulation right on the point of no return.

  • If you’re using a toy – remove it.
  • If you’re having sex – pull out/away and maybe finish by yourself as an extra frustration for your partner that isn’t allowed to finish.

The idea here is to again, build up to that point of no return before backing down to an excruciatingly light touch almost a tickle. This causes a severe drop in sensation, but allows just enough stimulation for a partial, somewhat leaky/dripping ejaculation effect instead of a jet/squirt.


This is a wonderful and exciting method for those who like a little bit of ‘torture’ in their play. Ruining an orgasm through the use of a single swat to the underside of the head (frenulum) works well, and similarly, a swat directly to the clit can have the same effect.

Pain based methods for penises: Another method is to squeeze either the shaft of the penis or the balls themselves, to prevent the ejaculate from escaping fully. Plugging or thumbing the flow of semen is an interesting option. You can try this out very easily by working your partner to the point of no return before simply grasping the head and placing your thumb over the hole. If you enjoy this feeling and want to take things further, you can invest in a urethral sound or penis plug kit.

Contributors: Researched, written by Mistress Michelle and published by Umlindi.

These educational topics wouldn’t be possible without the hard work and dedication from our Dom(me)sLife contributors – Thank you MM

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