I am addressing all of you who choose to read this, and i am thankful that you do. Recently i started posting my blog publicly and not just to our Dungeon website, a trove of information about our private Femdom group and resources for public consumption.
It can be exhausting. Confronting readers, whether i am aware who you are or not, wondering what you will think, how you perceive my thoughts, my pictures, my motives. I’m happy to share my thoughts with anyone who is interested in them, but sharing my feelings is different. Before starting a journal i never saw the value, i already know what’s in my head, why would i want to read about it or admit to all those things i do such an impeccable job of concealing?
After keeping my journal and sharing it with Mistress for well over a year now, i can tell you it helps to admit things, it helps to write feelings you wouldn’t otherwise discuss out loud, it helps to learn about things that become recurring patterns, but most of all it helps to share my feelings and gain perspective, hear from someone else how they perceive those same thoughts.
Around 6 months ago, Mistress asked if i would start posting pictures of our daily panty protocol to a blog so others could gain an understanding of the practice and potentially learn more about the Dungeon as well. After about a month i started to add a little more substance behind the posts. It become much more focused on education and less about panties, and recently i started cross posting the blog to multiple platforms.
I shared my apprehension with Mistress, about sharing a link, inviting others to read my blog openly and Her response captured in an image read “Power is gained by sharing knowledge, not hoarding it.” What knowledge is held in showing nude pictures of myself? Tips on the best ways to apply glitter using pre-cum as a base – is this really all that helpful?
The explanation was that i am not the only one who enjoys wearing panties, i am sure others do, i didn’t realize it was ‘a thing’ until it became a thing, and i didn’t know i could have protocol where my Domme would choose panties for me daily and make me feel special for doing something for Her, and increase that feeling exponentially by sharing it with you. Truthfully i don’t think She knew about the impact a blog could have either – i will let Her comment otherwise.
There’s so much more that i have shared, if you read back through my posts you will see guides for how to create meaningful protocols, how to maintain a relationship, how to set goals, and on and on. What you won’t see are my many posts discussing my feelings and emotions. You won’t see struggle and pain, but it’s there. It’s worth discussing and it’s knowledge shared because you also struggle, and you also experience pain.
One of our groups is discussing arousal today, the topic is asking if horniness is an emotion or not. I made the statement that is it not an emotion because it is not something that one necessarily will feel. By that i mean, each day i feel happy or sad at times, different factors bring about a mood or impact positively or negatively to feel those emotions, and it happens inherently, instinctively necessarily. Being horny for me is not the same. My experience with arousal is an evolution i am trying to understand and the topic is timely and instructive.
For years i read about ways of becoming aroused, practiced them, learned different skills for training the mind and body to react as one and maintain a level of active and passive arousal that fed me throughout the day. It was a way of connecting a happy body to a happy mind, one not always following the other, but typically meeting at different intervals throughout the day.
BDSM is in many ways tied to this practice, exploring and experiencing different ways of balancing the physical, mental and emotional needs. When i made a commitment to the lifestyle, i began exploring all aspects of submission. One area i needed to understand better was power exchange, and what i discovered first was the importance of protocols as a way of maintaining the D/s dynamic throughout the day, and as a way of maintaining my submissive headspace.
The more i remained in this headspace the more i sought to maintain it and learned the value in service, in both physical and non-physical service that provides for my Domme what She needs throughout the day. The blog is part of that service, posting a link so others will read it is part of that service and in doing as Mistress has asked me to, fulfills a shared need.
The images within the blog often include images of my arousal, lustful displays of exhibitionism that are revealing, and for me, moments of great vulnerability that i share. Those moments are a gift, they are conditioned responses, but without them i would not experience arousal. In my current path, my journey does not include feeling horny.
There is not a connection between my physical happiness and my emotional happiness. I am keenly aware of my emotional happiness throughout the day, and i focus on it intently doing the things i know make myself and others happy.
Sharing my thoughts with you in this manner is an immense vulnerability, my chest pounds at times revealing so much of myself to others. In the sense that my panty protocol places me in a vulnerable state physically, one where it’s possible to experience arousal, my blog places me in a similar state of vulnerability emotionally, where i experience a broad range of feelings that impact me on a much deeper and more meaningful level.
I hope that you can share in those same feelings, i hope you learn from my journey, i hope you see yourselves in my writing, and i hope you enjoy reading my blog.
Thank you for reading.
