Throughout your journey of kinks, fetishes and BDSM as a whole, you will likely have stumbled across the term service submission. At a glance it seems like a straightforward idea and for the most part, it is. However we are going to look into it all on a deeper level and really pick apart what it means, the value it holds, and why it can be so powerful.
What does it mean?
Service submission is doing something for your Dominant. Now this doesn’t mean that every task or activity you get assigned to do is service submission, absolutely not. Service submission is usually in reference to actions that are consistent and regular. Ones that are not one off duties or actions. It is something that a submissive does to make a Dominants life easier. A common misconception is that service submission is mostly, if not entirely sexual. This is very far from true, if not the opposite. Yes, there can be sexual elements to service submission however, most forms of service are vanilla, such as, cleaning, organising, being a personal assistant, their driver, gardener and so on. The act of giving service to a Dominant is what makes the submissive happy, not what specific service it is. A submissive gains pleasure from the service alone.
Taking a look at some examples
Service submission is best executed in a real life dynamic rather than an online dynamic, however we will be looking at examples of how a submissive can be of service in both situations.
One of the most common forms of service lies in domestic service, this encompasses things such as cleaning, cooking, taking out the bins, gardening and organising the house. These are usually within dynamics where the Dominant and sub live together. The submissive take on all these roles to please their Dominant, that is all they expect for their service, a happy Dominant. With service submission, there isn’t an expectation of a reward for performing the duties tasked to them. If this is your expectation as a submissive you may not truly be a service-oriented submissive. This is by no means a bad thing; it only means that further negotiations may need to be had with your Dominant about your expectations also.
As mentioned previously there are some examples where service to your Dominant can have a sexual or intimate aspect to it. For example, oral service is one that would be the most common. The complication with this is whether or not the sub is seeing it purely as providing a service to their Dominant or if it is just a form of sex for them. Neither scenario is bad, however it is good to know which side the sub lies on, as if it is purely sexual for them then it will likely be incorporated differently and not as a service to the Dominant.
When it comes to online Dynamics, which are so prevalent in today’s world, it becomes harder to provide a service to a Dominant as the options become a little less obvious. However, don’t fret there are still areas in which you as a sub can be of service online. Some examples could include, being their personal assistant with organising their daily planner, booking reservations, researching trips and vacations to get the best rates and locations, and assisting with any other online duties that might be available for you to help with.
All of these are only a few of the examples of the types of service submission, there are many more such as, massaging, nurse, IT specialist, admin, writer, pretty much anything in the service industry can be translated into a form of service for a Dominant. It won’t be the same for each dynamic, there will likely be crossovers, however, some dynamics might have areas that they consider a form of service which you don’t. So, discussions and communication will be vital early on so that everyone involved will understand the expectations set, and whatever scenarios might come to be if they are not fulfilled. Have a look at your dynamic and think are there any areas in which you provide a service to your Dominant to make their lives easier? Think about why you do that, as you may find yourself in the service-oriented submission category and didn’t even know it.
Why is this of value to a Dominant?
Some of you may be reading this and thinking, yes that’s useful but how is this valuable to a Dominant. The main aspect of this from the Dominants side will be the power exchange dynamic. They have full control over the submissive in vanilla and kink sense, further increasing their feeling of being on top and in that position of power. This is also valuable because it shows a huge amount of respect and loyalty towards the Dominant through doing these services. Developing stronger bonds and diving deeper into the dynamic. The Dominant will feel valued and cared for outside of just the sexual components, it shows it’s more about the lifestyle that the sub is committed to and doesn’t just want an kink dispenser.
Why is this a beneficial trait for a submissive to have?
By no means is this a required trait for a submissive to have, if you don’t enjoy doing it, that will come across very evidently to you Dominant. If that is the case then service submission might not be something that fully gets adopted in your dynamic as it isn’t for every sub or Dominant. The reason it is beneficial is because it is another way you can show you care about your Dominant, through means outside of sex and praise, just simply helping where you can. It can help to evolve your dynamic into a more flushed out lifestyle and help progress to a more permanent kind of relationship that you both cherish. For a submissive it can also be a powerful tool to help maintain that submissive mindset throughout your day with the services that you offer, knowing you are doing it for your Dominant will keep them on your mind all day also. That way when your Dominant returns home, or you both meet you can slip into that subspace a lot easier, and be ready to be the best submissive you can be.
“You know when you find that friend who will drop everything to help you if you need it, that friend you can always depend on, that’s what I look for. Someone who generally enjoys helping me, because it makes my life a little easier, less stressful and often it’s things we work on together so it’s just spending time together because you actually like the person you are with and want to spend time with them. Service submission takes it from the bedroom only, into a real lifestyle dynamic. It makes it real for me. I’m a normal human, I’m not a sex worker, if it’s only about sex then that’s when I feel like I’m being a kink dispenser, sex worker or pro Domme but all for free, I actually get nothing of value out for it.” – Mistress Michelle
Service submission can be a really powerful tool if done right, but if done wrong can come across as a lack of effort and disrespect. So, when you are trying to start out, start small. Don’t take on a million and one things to do. Take one or two things that you feel will help make your Dominants life easier, that you can manage to add to your day. Gradually you will find what you can take on for your Dominant and what you can’t. This will also give you a good idea if service submission is for you or if it isn’t. With either outcome I would certainly say it is worth giving this a try, it will provide some great insights into your form of submission.
Contributors: This article was researched and written by Umlindi, edited by Mistress Michelle and published by Umlindi.
These educational topics wouldn’t be possible without the hard work and dedication from our Dom(me)sLife contributors – Thank you MM