Edging – more than just getting off
If you hear someone talk about edging, unless they’re gardeners they are usually talking about a common form of orgasm control. ‘edging’ ‘surfing’ ‘peaking’ is building up to the point just before an orgasm and then reducing, changing or stopping all stimulation so that an orgasm isn’t achieved.
Edging actually makes the eventual orgasm much more powerful. Increased blood flow and sensitivity in genitals over time makes for a more dramatic, intense orgasm, as well as the psychological aspect of denying orgasm leads to exciting power exchange play.
Before you start
Talk about the potential scene, and about your limits, and yes, the conversation needs to extend far beyond safe words and signals. Have a conversation about what you both want before you start playing. Decide whether or not an eventual orgasm will be allowed or not. Some Dominants will deny their sub an orgasm altogether, while others will play with the edge of orgasm for, an hour, or two, or three…. bringing them to the edge again and again and again, until the sexual energy reaches a maddening height, before finally allowing them to explode or even ruining their orgasm evil grin then ‘forcing them to lick up their own mess.
The things you need to consider, discuss, negotiate and agree upon are:
- How far are you willing to go?
- How long – 5 edges, 1 hour or 2?
- Dirty talk what’s hot, what’s not
- Will humiliation be involved? Sph?
- What type of language are you both be comfortable with… horny little slut, dirty whore, fuck toy, cum junkie you get the drift!
Now comes the fun part! What kind of toys and tools are you going to bring into the scene and how will they be used… tease and torment with the large wand everywhere besides the ass, the small vibe is ass approved, bound spread eagle – yes please, hogtied – not tonight, and don’t forget the lube.
It’s difficult to know how close to orgasm someone is, luckily edging a sub is less important than the repeated denial over and over again. It comes down to keeping the sub erect/wet and aroused without allowing them to cum. Some will give audible cues; but to help judge listen to the sounds of a sub’s breathing, notice how shallow breaths sound different than deep breaths. Listen for the difference between a moan that signals impending orgasm and a moan of sexual frustration. Look at the naked body. The skin changes at different stages of arousal, color, temperature, goosebumps or other surface changes. You can also look for changes in muscle tension, paying attention to what they’re doing with other body parts, stiff outstretched fingers, curled toes, fists, and tense shoulders.
However, it’s far simpler to just enlist a sub’s help in keeping them from going over the edge. Have them tell communicate when they are getting close. This may sound like cheating, since the sub is giving what’s needed to tease them mercilessly, but if you back up your demand with the threat of punishment, then it’s not only fair but doesn’t give the sense of control that can hold someone back from subspace. Once at the edge, there’s no need to push it, just back off for a minute, slap those balls, pinch the nips, flick her clit, slap that ass.
While men and women both may experience something like “blue balls” if they aren’t eventually allowed to cum, others actually prefer being completely denied. Plus you are probably aware that a sub is substantially less kinky, less responsive, less obedient, less submissive after an orgasm. So edge away, have fun, explore, experiment and torture a sub with pure pleasure.