BDSM Education Discord Classroom

Orgasm Control – Tease and Denial

Tease and denial is the art of taking your sub/partner to dizzying heights of arousal, increasing sexual tension, desire and anticipation and keeping them there for a prolonged period of time making for an exciting power exchange.

For the sake of education, I’m going to split T&D into two categorie

When I’m referring to short term tease and denial I’m talking about using it during play or in a scene. Rather than building up their sexual desire over time like in the long term T&D, it’s a seriously erotic power play of bringing them as close to the edge of orgasm as possible without pushing them over, and then stopping and denying their orgasm throughout the scene.

Long term T&D is the art of teasing a sub for days, weeks, months or even being a permanent part of your dynamic. It’s whatever you want it to be and whatever you desire. Play/scene T&D is simply that, a scene that is based upon teasing and denying a sub an orgasm for the duration of a scene.

Short Term Tease & Denial

Depending on the sub the scene can go one of two ways:

TYPE A: A sub will thrive on the challenge of holding back their orgasm and personal gratification for the overwhelming need to please their Dominant while floating in subspace. Hold it there, relish the feeling! How the scene ends should always be how the Dominant desires, whether it be a full orgasm that must be cleaned up orally, a ruined orgasm that just dribbles out, to the
click of that lock that signals the end of freedom.

TYPE B: This type of sub will become quite insistent on an orgasm, and a sub can be very convincing when they’re desperate. Do not simply allow them to cum. If you just give in and bring them to orgasm, it will ruin the mood and the experience. As a sub you will feel unfilled and may as well just have got yourself off. As a Dominant giving in to your subs begging before you are ready will only make you feel like you lost control of the scene. Stick to your plans and let the sexual tension build you will be rewarded with an explosive orgasm or the heavy weight of a chastity cage in the end. Either way the power exchange will be mind blowing and the experience memorable.


  • Masturbation obviously will be a big part of any intense T&D scene but you can definitely kink it up by getting a little more creative.
  • Get your toys out! Strap on a vibrator and watch them squirm as you tell them not to cum. Use e-stim it stimulate them while you sit back with a drink and watch. Tease them with a vibrating butt plug while they perform oral on you.
  • Blindfolds are perfect for increasing anticipation. Your partner doesn’t know where or even when you’ll touch them – or what you’ll touch them with.
  • Games involving restraints are often referred to as “tie and tease’. By using physical restraints, teasing can take place over an extended period of time, and dominant control is increased, which allows for increased intensity of arousal on both sides.
  • Sensation play is perfect for a T&D session. Running ice over your partner’s nipples, stomach, thighs and genitals followed by a little of your hot breath blowing can be extremely erotic.
  • Get creative with feathers, silk scarves, brushes, candles or even knives.

Long Term Tease and Denial

The point of the long term tease and denial is that it’s carried out over time, prolonged and unhurried, so that it becomes more about the power dynamics in the relationship than reaching orgasm. Playing it more like a teasing game designed to build sexual tension, anticipation and desire is a great approach. Keep it simple, light-hearted and fun, make a game out of it.

  • Snap a surprise photo and send it while they are at work.
  • Get sexting!
  • Send them a steamy gif to watch over and over again.
  • Leave a sultry voice message
  • Instigate a little phone sex.
  • Dress up sexy. Show them what they’re missing, don’t let them touch.
  • Do a little strip tease.
  • Remove your panties and make them wear them.
  • Start a quick, hot and intense makeout session, then walk away.
  • Make them watch while you touch yourself.
  • Tell them exactly what you plan to do with them later…
  • Read them a hot erotic story.
  • Make them watch porn while bound and gagged. Or better yet make them watch you pleasure yourself.

The tease and denial possibilities are endless, you are only limited by your imagination, creativity and your will power to deny your play partner an explosive orgasm until you are ready to do so.

Acknowledgments: This article would never have been possible if it wasn’t for the hard work and dedication of cupcake. I will be forever grateful.

By Mistress Michelle

I have a passion for education and saw a need in the groups I was in to help others reach their goals through learning. There's no greater motivation for Me than helping others and I see creating educational resources as a way of helping many people at once.

I have researched and explored many topics multiple times, considered different angles, and am always surprised by how much there is still to learn. Having others respond to the topics and questions I ask related to each one is as much of a learning experience for Me as it is a rewarding experience to see the effort and growth in real time that I have inspired.

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