BDSM Education

Denial, its power, and how it effects us

Denial has a lot of emotional and physical effects for the submissive undergoing it, it is also a tool to be used by the Dom(me) to have a stronger emotional hold over a sub. Although everyone is different Denial tends to affect subs in phases, these are caused by the change in hormone levels as the one does not receive climax, and can also vary as to whether or not the sub is also denied of touching themselves completely.

During the initial denial of pleasure, a sub may become fussy or bratty (especially if new to being denied), but it can also cause its own form of pleasure. By giving control of ones orgasm over to a Dom(me), a sub can find enjoyment in their submission, the Dom(me) will see the increased submission in this early phase but it can be hit or miss depending on the subs experience/personality. With arousal increasing constantly during this phase it’s important to act on and encourage good behaviors. if the sub is acting out a lot they may need to be reminded of why they are being denied, or given other tasks/activities to occupy their mind. Pain and service can both be great ways to help take away focus on arousal, or you can go with the opposite direction of a sub isn’t responding to the denial at the level you like to see and tease them to the point that they start to realize what they are missing.

The Second phase is usually when arousal had peaked and plateaued, the emotional state of the sub depending on how they handled phase one can be either increasingly bratty or exceptionally submissive. Bratty subs in level two will likely constantly beg for pleasure and attention, their ability to focus on things may become more difficult, these subs may do well with ruined orgasms to help reduce their need for the climax. the increased submission should be watched closely, some subs may actually take on a slight depression if not given emotional attention, there is a line between submission and docile that should not be crossed. Attention to a subs emotions is key in phase two. this can make or break not only the control in the relationship, but also cause emotional harm if not watched.

The Last phase for most subs tends to be a drop in sexual desire, not all subs make it to phase three, but those that do tend to have one of two outcomes. The preferred form of phase three is simply a reduced amount of arousal, allowing the sub to focus on tasks daily life, and of course whatever the Dom(me) would prefer them to have priority over. Some subs even crave further denial at this point. For other subs this can be a very difficult phase, this phase can bring on depression for the sub, feeling “left out” or abandoned by their Dom(me), this can also result in intense sub drop and loss of submission. If proper emotional care and attention are given to the sub in the previous phases this is hopefully avoided.

In conclusion, every sub is different, depending on experience and emotional needs. Denial is a great tool for a Dom(me) to increase their dominance over a sub but should be used responsibly, if proper care isn’t taken it can easily have reverse or even damaging effects. I myself feel as though i am on the cusp of phase two, after about 25 days for myself i am just beginning to feel my arousal start to peek. I have felt increased brattiness as well as “switchiness” in the last week, which has only increased my arousal further. it’s difficult to measure how long i will be in this state before it begins to plateau, although my cravings for pleasure have increased, my want for climax has remained about the same, it will be an interesting next 15 days that if for sure 🙂

Tell us about your experience with denial, what do you like or dislike about it? How do you fall into the phases i described? Remember, everyone is different and nobody’s journey is wrong. <3

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