With impact play you should follow all of the same guidelines as normal negotiations. In this case we do want to put a heavy focus on the following though.
- Sexual contact, where, how, with
- Boundaries (yes-please areas and no-no areas)
- Triggers – Medical conditions
- Tools and implements
- Marks – bruises, welts, blood – where are how
In some cases you will find that a bottoms ability to communicate becomes… unconventional. In these situations you want to find alternatives to ensure that they still have the ability to trigger safe words. There are a few creative ways to go about this.
Hand signals can be as simple as raising their hand to signal a hard stop to the scene, or giving a designated number of fingers up to communicate a specific need. It is important not to make signals overly complicated, all parties need to be able to recognize and respond to them quickly and without ambiguity.
So, what do you need to feel comfortable and safe? During a scene the communication style can look very different depending on the desired outcome and the people involved. That said, no matter the vibe you are going for; there are certain things you can do to help ensure the scene is both safe and fun for both parties.
Pleasure and Pain Scales
A Top can’t truly know how a bottom physically feels, different people have very different pain tolerances. Something that feels amazing to one person might be incredibly uncomfortable for another. One great way to help yourself gauge how the bottom feels is to use a couple scales.
- Pain scale [least] 1 – 10 [most]
- Pleasure scale [least] 1 – 10 [most]
Especially when playing with a newer partner; checking in and having the bottom give you feedback every few minutes can help you get an idea of what the do and don’t like. If you were feeling like a super over achiever you could even make a chart. The feedback from using pleasure and pain scales can give you insight considerable faster than only getting it after a scene is over.
In addition to verbal communication, there are physical signs you want to keep an eye out for. These are mostly for safety, but can also help you get a better read on your bottom over time.
- Body temperature changes
- Damage to skin
- Changes in speech patterns
Lastly, remember to keep an active dialogue. You don’t need to be a robot just checking in with scales the whole time like some scientist. Unless that’s what your into 😉 You can use dirt talk and role-play, to help keep the scene lively. The better you know and understand what kind of vibe you are looking for the easier this is. Remember, talk to your bottom about what they like, knowledge is power.