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Impact and Bondage!! Oh My

Miss Seelie’s Week

This week really made me think and analyze a lot about myself. I think it brought out some of the best in me. It meant a lot because I negotiated my first ever scene. I recognized my injuries and how it could impact play time. I got to combine impact, CBT, and bondage together into a scene that I had an absolute blast performing.

Communication:

BDSM is all about consent, and you can not have consent without communication. There is no right or wrong way to communicate as long as communication takes place and it is done respectfully. When and how communication takes place is entirely up to the individuals in the dynamic. Some dynamics may have a mediator, some a specific time of day, while others have journals. The options of how to communicate with your partner are incredibly vast I don’t think I can list them all. So I may be overusing the word but it is just to get how important it is. You need to share feelings, needs and wants both as a sub and a Dom. Neither will know what each other wants if no communication takes place. The Dom isn’t omniscient, so whether it is a journal, a time of day, a specific day, or direct questions as a submissive you need to bare your heart to them and tell them exactly how you feel. During a scene, communication is important to protect from physical and emotional damage. Scenes can be very taxing on the body and mind, but with correct communication, during the scene, and after the scene, you can be safe and have an absolute blast.

I would have to agree with the author of an article I read, any Dom who doesn’t take input and doesn’t want input from a submissive is just a pseudo-Dom with a self-appointed title and should be avoided. It seems to me that anyone seriously into BDSM in any aspect recognizes how important communication is to every aspect of BDSM and life in general. I know I recognize how important it is, but it is something I struggle with as well, but it will be worth the struggle in the long run.

Then there is communication to negotiate and plan a scene. Things need to be put into words from things you want to happen, things you definitely do not want (hard limits), and things you can warm up to with proper discussion and negotiations. The Dom and you would need to lay out clear safe words that are easy to remember an understand. I prefer the Green/Yellow/Red method, it is something I am familiar with from the military just adapted to a different idea. In my eyes, Green means good to go. Yellow would be “let’s take a step back, reevaluate and resume but be careful. Red would be an immediate stop, possibly not continue and start aftercare immediately. In my eyes, before you even start playing with someone an aftercare plan needs to be laid out. Whether it be as simple as cuddling and talking, or be complicated as showering, ointments, snacks, and a movie. Talking about aftercare is just as important as talking about the scene itself.

In a D/s relationship communication is also a must. It would be naive to think a Dom’s or sub’s needs don’t change over time. As human beings, we grow and change as we get older and experience new things. As people in a D/s dynamic, no matter where you fall in it, we need to discuss these things and talk about them. It may be something simple as “hey I don’t like that toy” or “stop I do not want that to ever be done again”. Limits change as we experience new things and those limits must be brought to the forefront. Or you want to change the relationship dynamic by taking it to the next level if it is appropriate. But the Dom or sub will have no idea about these things unless you communicate.

Injuries and allergies:

Whether you’re negotiating a scene with a one time Dom or an ongoing thing. You must communicate and share any injuries and allergies that can be problematic. Everyone is different so everyone’s list will be different. Here is mine for example, and some of these things might not even come up but still good to note them:

  • Neck- used to have some twisted vertebrae, no issues in recent history.
  • Lower and Mid back- disk degeneration, herniated disk, and fluid in facet joints- no prolonged bent over position without the support of some sort
  • Separated left shoulder- no issues in years, just something to be aware of
  • Elbows/wrists- pain with sharp impact with weight, like dropping quickly to the ground and catching myself with my arms
  • Hips- have hip and groin pain at times, solved with some movement and stretching. Not sure how it would impact any sort of play
  • Knees/ ankles- pain with repeated up and down movements.
  • Allergies- animal dander and pollen.

Personally, I have some things I would only like to discuss with my partner and would prefer not to post them and that is ok too.

Scene planning/ negotiations:

Yours might look different than mine. Since I am new to the lifestyle I am relying a lot on my Mentor to help me put together a scene to perform for her pleasure. So this is what mine looks like:

Rich: I would like to include: Bondage, impact, CBT/stretching using rope or parachute, possibly electro play if we can figure that out, possibly some anal play.

Since I am doing this to myself I am not worried about my limits since I am planning this within them. Is there anything listed that would breach yours?

For past injuries, I feel safe with doing everything within my limits. If there are any concerns please let me know.

I am not sure in what way to include these activities and would truly love your help in planning this out.

I do not plan on doing this until the weekend when I have plenty of time to myself.

Miss Seelie: My thoughts turn to predicament bondage when I read this, though if you are looking to do electro play then normal bondage might be best. My thoughts go to your ankles being bound, either spread eagle or together, to a hard point and then the rope attached to your balls being a bit shorter. Being plugged for this would be agreeable if you would like but I think to add more anal play would be adding a bit much for a solo scene in my opinion.

All of this is within my limits, if you are laying down then I don’t believe we will have any issues with your past injuries. What types of implements are you thinking of using for impact? Have you ever used your wand for CBT? Once we figure out a position for you then we can carry one from there I believe!

Rich: Predicament bondage is actually something I would like to explore just always seemed difficult by myself. If electro play can’t be included it can be incorporated later. I am not in a rush to experience everything all at once. I am going to go with your opinion and take the anal play out of the equation.
Where would the rope attached to my balls be secured too? I have turned it on low and used a few of the attachments for CBT.

Miss Seelie: Let’s just try normal bondage then, you could possibly attach the rope from your balls to your feet so you can control the tension as well as every time you jump from the CBT it would give you a little extra tug.

Rich: Double column my ankles together and attach my balls to them via a shorter piece. Wouldn’t this be a form of predicament bondage?
I have not decided on the type of impact toys to use but I have several and can send you a picture.
Possibly use one of my floggers on my thighs lightly?

Miss Seelie: In a sense yes, though only make the rope that attaches to your balls slightly shorter so that when you have your legs fully extended that is the full tension you wish to have on them. It gives the ability to give yourself a break if you wish. For the CBT please pick 3 impact toys, one stingy, one thuddy and one flogger. I would like to hear the difference in your reactions between each one. Using the flogger, or any of your impact toys on your thighs as a break sounds like a good idea!

Rich: do you have a specific number of hits or time you want me to go for? If it is just how I am feeling I think we are good to go. I have an aftercare chart I can share with.

Miss Seelie: Just go with what you are feeling and take care to pay attention to your limits. Otherwise yes I feel comfortable going forward with this scene! Your aftercare chart is very well made 🙂

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