When there is an increase in the availability, access, and active participation in kink, it causes a physical and psychological change that can alter the types of decisions we make and the type actions we take. The increased presence of endorphins and adrenaline can have an addictive effect over time and can create a headspace that alters our perception of what we would normally consider acceptable behaviour.
Many new kinksters are prone to experiencing frenzy without knowing what the signs are. It is important if you are starting out in the lifestyle to find a mentor, friend, or support person who can help identify these signs for you. Frenzy alters your decision making skills and better judgment and typically includes; ignoring concerns and limits, taking unnecessary risks, trying lots of new things and ignoring red flags that increase the likelihood of being taken advantage of, manipulated and exploited.
Sub frenzy
Being submissive requires an element of compliance, a desire to please others and seek their approval as well as their attention. When a submissive enters a frenzied state, it is common to become overly agreeable with an attempt to impress a Dominant. There are heightened safety risks involved for a submissive when they ignore their better judgement around things that can physically, mentally and emotionally harm them. This potentially puts them at a much higher risk personally, financially, or can even have an impact on their professional life, relationships and overall wellbeing.
Dom(me) frenzy
Having control over others and holding their attention can be a powerful feeling, it can occur from play, social interactions with fellow kinsters, or from service acts received from others. Being in this state can be extremely dangerous when controlling and being responsible for someone else’s well being. Making rash decisions, quick conversations, engaging in negotiations, tasks, play and scenes while ignoring and pushing limits can also endanger a Dominant mentally as well as physically. The consequences of participating while being frenzied, having an altered sense of better judgment, questionable behaviour and risky engagement can have an everlasting impact on people directly and even indirectly within the community.
A Sub Frenzy Checklist
Signs you are experiencing Frenzy:
- You ignore your instincts, and suddenly take big risks.
- You ignore your own needs; you don’t ask questions or make any requests of your own.
- Engaging in types of play that you haven’t educated yourself about enough to know what’s safe, what’s not and or even if it’s something you actually want to do.
- Being desperate to submit. You want it, you need it, you have to get it, desperate feeling.
- Large increased frequency of play; playing to soon, to often or with someone you just met.
- you agree to everything, with everybody; saying yes where you would normally say no.
- Playing too often; not taking the time between playing to process mentally, emotionally, or to physically heal.
- Doing and saying things at 100 m/h; you meet strangers in private, paly on the first date/meet, send nudes or suggestive photos almost immediately, give out personal information, talk nonstop for hours.
Risks to a sub during Frenzy:
- Consent violations causing lifelong trauma.
- Your personal safety is at a heightened risk for getting taken advantage of, hurt, manipulated, exposed, blackmailed or even assaulted.
- High risk of accidents and injuries.
- Making mistakes that cause regrets.
- Putting yourself at risk of long-term psychological harm.
- Emotional damage creating negative thoughts; self doubt, self worth, hurt and humiliation.
- Causing physical harm to yourself or others.
- Drop; sudden feelings of depression like symptoms. Lack of energy, motivation and enthusiasm.
How does sub frenzy put a Dominant at risk?
- Accidents; heightened risk of accidents and injuries from a lack of education, experience, self-awareness and an alter state of mind.
- Miscommunication; the risks of triggering, limits being pushed or even broken are extremely high.
- Going over the edge; higher risk of the sub safewording to late or not at all.
- Emotional meltdowns; dealing with an upset sub; tears, drama, getting blamed.
- Accusations; being accused of taking advantage, not respecting limits. At worst, violating consent and having a policeman knocking on your door.
- Rumours and reputation; being accused of not being a ‘safe’ person to play with. Being a predator, praying on the vulnerable or labeled a fake Dom(me).
What you can do about it:
- STOP! Breathe, calm down, admit you maybe frenzied.
- Discuss with a partner or fellow kinksters.
- Write your feelings in a journal.
- Do something unrelated to BDSM that makes you happy.
- Take a break and reflect, then return/repeat.
Frenzy isn’t just a newbie only issue or reaction, it can happen to anyone at anytime, examples; new play partner, new friends, community participation, from getting attention, discussions in groups/chatrooms, new found kinksters to interact with. Many who experience frenzy do so safely, and some will do it often, and most will never realize when they are experiencing frenzy until after the fact. The most important thing is to make sure you can recognize the signs, stop, gain control before practicing BDSM responsibly again.
Contributors: This article was researched and written by Umlindi, edited by Mistress Michelle and published by Umlindi.
These educational topics wouldn’t be possible without the hard work and dedication from our Dom(me)sLife contributors – Thank you MM