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Communication in BDSM


Communication is not only a key factor for life,happiness and balance but in BDSM as well. Recently I did some research on mental health with BDSM and communication was one of the biggest factors for allowing those who practice the lifestyle to be more balanced and healthy mentally, which ties into this topic in many ways. From my experience with the lifestyle and those wonderful people that I have had the pleasure of getting to know along my journey there have been many super important elements to communication which I will try to cover.

To clearly and accurately communicate one first needs to understand what it is they are trying to explain. This is crucial! Knowing what you want, what triggers to avoid, hot buttons to touch or rub, shared kinks to explore or experience again, understanding how your body will respond and desires, and your limits that could derail the entire thing are all involved with kinky communication, especially if a scene is involved. This is part of SSC and RACK, both of which are very important in the BDSM lifestyle. As you learn, research, explore and grow as an individual this knowledge allows you to clearly communicate with a partner what it is you need and outlines general paths to both reach these destinations and stay clear of. I have to say that I see this type of clear open communication so much more in the lifestyle than i have ever seen it in the vanilla world outside of business.

Once you understand the what of your goal then the negotiation can begin and this part can be magical. Blending the needs, limits and kinks/fetishes of those involved into a clean and clear roadmap is wonderful to be involved in or to watch. Each one of us is uniquely special and as such the outcome of each negotiation is very different. Plus you have to factor in the ever evolving needs and wants of those involved. Makes for a beautifully balanced masterpiece full of areas for imaginative creativity, spontaneity and strengthens the bonds of trust and respect.

As your communication is now being molded into a real tangible thing, a sort of understanding and agreement from those involved, the level of openness, transparency and honesty is truly heartwarming. But it doesn’t stop there. It doesn’t stop ever really because during your relationship, scene or whatever specific area of your journey that was negotiated there will be things that come up, be it life events, a limit being found or unknown trigger that was was pushed, a new kink or fetish that needs to be explored, and so much more that we as individuals will need to communicate. Afterwards there should be a time to recap as well where you let your partner know how you are feeling and what was shared. These moments are part of my favorite as they are amazing at solidifying the trust and titanium wrapped bond that is created through opening yourself up to these experiences and showing the real vulnerable you.

Communication is obviously very important to me, those in the lifestyle and Everyone in my opinion. As i have shared above, if done properly it is not only a cornerstone to BDSM but the whole foundation, opening doors to understanding and experiences that will challenge any ideas you have had. I should quickly mention that if this is done incorrectly though it will create and amplify feelings of frustration, confusion, neglect and can quickly lead to injuries either mental, physical or emotional. Play safe, understand what you need and be transparent in this while communicating! Have fun!

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