Sex for me has always been about love. Sure in the early days of being sexually active i looked for an opportunity where ever i could, but i soon realized that it wasn’t sex that i craved. Instead it was the act of making love that i desired. I began turning down potential one night stands in pursuit of something more meaningful and when i started dating a girl, i would break the expectation of sex on the third date by requesting we wait until we developed a stronger connection.
There is only one instance of a BDSM dynamic where i can say, “Yes, i fell in love with my Domme.” it happened rather quickly and was perhaps due to her being the first Woman to take me as her own, provide me with an outlet for all the kinky desires i had not yet been able to participate in, as well as offering me an emotional connection. The dynamic did not last long however and never matured to a point of sexual interaction, and yet, every time she rang the bell she carried to get my attention, or asked me to do something for her, or literally anything that expressed her Dominance over me and allowed me to offer her my submission; my eyes would light up, my heart would skip a beat and i would feel an emotion that i can only describe as love.
I guess if i was to compare sex and BDSM without the emotional connection of what one would describe as love, i would say that a BDSM scene with a Domme in that situation would be comparable to a one night stand or a friends with benefits type of situation. I stated earlier that i tend to avoid that type of sex in favor of a more meaningful connection, and i think that is mostly true when looking for a Domme to practice BDSM with. In the right circumstances I am still open to both sex and BDSM in a dynamic that is void of the intense emotional connection that i desire, but to be able to experience those two things separately, or especially together with a Domme who i share a deep connection with would have to be the best feeling i could ever imagine.
Between making love in relationships that did not involve BDSM, and being in a BDSM relationship that contained love but did not involve sex; I can honestly say that these two things are very close to being equally satisfying. To describe BDSM as the psychological act of love, in my opinion, describes the act of a submissive offering themselves to their Domme. Instilling trust in that person to take care of them during a scene, to not abuse the exchange of power but rather to use it in a way that allows both people to grow and be better on that day, then they were the day before. While it is clear who is in charge and who submits, it is an equal partnership the requires an equal amount of trust, honesty, and determination to be the best Domme, sub and person these individuals can be.